ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my mouth tastes like poor choices
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
