TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
