I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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