Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
