I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just found a bag of teeth...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
