I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
