I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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