The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
two words: eviction party
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
