So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
