Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
