One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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