hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
