i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
