glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
