This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
