My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
