Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
