Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
