I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
