Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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