the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize