I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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