Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
