i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize