That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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