I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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