Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
