At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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