I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I wear drunk well.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
