you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
