I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
