I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
