we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
