if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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