Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
