hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
