Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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