it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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