I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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