If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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