You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
