You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
