did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
