i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
