Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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