didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
