SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
