I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
