God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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