last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize