Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
