I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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