Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
