I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He has the fingertips of a God
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize