She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
