You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
