I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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