just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
