she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
