I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
