Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
