Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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