if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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