my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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