why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize