you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
