I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize