My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
