What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
