I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
